We are not created to be mistresses

by Matty B. Duran

A mistress' purpose is to usurp the life of the wife. This is the life of the mistress, to suck the life blood out of his family. Mind you, all with the consent of the husband as a type of human vampire. This is what the relationship of a married man and his mistress is; she wants the life of the wife. When I was a mistress, I use the term loosely as I was really a woman in waiting, a woman on the side, like a side order of fries or onion rings.

I wanted the life of going to Europe with the professor I was involved with. The life the wife had earned, had helped her husband build. I wanted a slice of that life. Even though I was a disturbed young woman cutting myself, I was still complicit in stealing someone else's life. It is as serious breach to come between a husband and a wife. It is serious to God. Marriage is serious to God. He created this holy covenant, and it matters immensely to Him. The weak excuses mistresses come up with, "There was already problems in the marriage before I came into the picture." The presence of another woman compounds the problems that are already there. If a man is not already divorced when you meet him, he is not free, period. Men and women believe they are free to cheat on their spouses. Women believe it is alright to try and take another women's husband because she finds him extremely attractive, or he hits on her or whatever the reason. It is not alright, it has never been alright, and it will never be alright to take another woman's husband. To come between a man and his wife, is murder in a sense, it is to destroy a marriage. God said in His Word, "They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together let no man tear apart. (Matthew 19:6)

A husband and a wife are one flesh. Not two separate people, but one. A husband and a wife do not belong to themselves but to each other. Therefore when someone in the marriage cheats it is a very big deal they are attempting to extract themselves from the life of the other, and this is always extremely painful to the entire family because one who is married can never really do that. Spiritually they are always bound to one another, even if and when the husband physically removes himself from the home and gets a divorce.

A mistress is a thief and a murderer, so is the adulterous husband. Another woman is not his to have; he is therefore stealing something that does not belong to him. He is responsible for the death of the marriage.

In the Old Testament such people were stoned until dead. Even though we are under the period of grace through the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, God still views marriage, cheating husbands and mistresses in the same way. God has not changed. It is people that have moved further away from God.

No matter what society says, there is no place for mistresses in the Kingdom of God. In this world she creates chaos along with the cheating husband. They created chaos where there was order. They create instability where there was supposed to be peace.

Men and women are not supposed to meet while married. This is why the bride and groom say, "Forsaking all others until death do us part." Forsaking all others means forsaking intimate fellowship with other men and women, forsaking intimate conversations, forsaking friendships with others of the opposite sex whom they are not married to. Married men cannot be friends with women and married women cannot have males as friends. This begins to create a wound in the marriage relationship.

I am sorry to write I was a part of creating a wound in the marriage of others, by being in an intimate relationship with married men. Everyone was wounded, the husband, the wife and the mistress. There can be no happiness apart from God's will.

Even if a mistress does eventually become the wife she will always know her husband cheated on his first wife, there is a wound in the relationship that will never go away. Men and women must understand that there is a design in marriage. There is a way God brings a man and a woman together. I have not experienced the Lord's way. I tried to do things my own way, going after married men, letting married men seduce and use me, and believed them when they said they loved me which was a lie. There is a sinister deception when a married man say he loves another woman. He can't really mean it. He doesn't love his wife, how can he love another woman he sees for a few hours every few day. An adulterous relationship is only an illusion, something that never be. It is a blessing to be dumped by a married man, he has nothing to offer. They had nothing to offer me, literally. Everything they had belonged to another, and would never belong to me, and if by default it would belong to me, it would only be through theft that I would have obtained it. Let us not fool ourselves God is clear about all this. Jesus said He hates divorce.

"For I hate divorce," says the Lord the God of Israel. To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the Lord of Heaven's armies. "So, guard your heart do not be unfaithful to your wife.

(Malachi 2:16)

Being a mistress is less than nothing, a mistress only cheats herself as I did so many years ago. The man you want is not really yours and will never be yours. He has sex with you and then goes home to have sex with his wife, which is not defiled. The sex he has with his own wife is honorable to God. The sex a married man has with a mistress angers God. It is not honored, but an act to be punished, an act that must be repented of. There is no beauty in a married man's relationship to his mistress. The devil will attempt to deceive you with words. "He is your soul mate." "There were already problems in the marriage." And a dozen other lies.

If a man is married, walk away. Better yet flee as Joseph fled when Potiphar's wife tried to seduce him. This goes for married women and single men. The life of a mistress is a hard life, I know. It is to be second best; it is to be less than what God created us to be. Being a mistress made me feel worthless. I realize I was being used for sex in some cases.

These men always went home to their wives. I remember an incident when a married man I was in a relationship with wanted to leave me at the bus stop after we had just been intimate. He didn't want to go home late to his wife. My reaction was one of outrage, "I don't care if you are late, you will take me home." He sped on the freeway to take me home. I felt violated, it wasn't supposed to be like this. But it was because I wasn't sharing my life with him, someone else was. I had cleaved to him but he was cleaved to someone else and my cleaving had no place to cleave to, my cleaving was rejected. My love was rejected. Another woman has no place in someone else's marriage. I began to die as I allowed married men to steal my womanhood; I allowed them to steal many years from me.

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Even if someone else's husband spends all of his time with a mistress, a mistress is illegitimate. She is not lawful; she is a lawbreaker. Even if the wife is despised, she is the rightful co-heir. Many years a go, a husband I was involved with wanted me to talk to his wife on the phone. I didn't want to; what would I say? I knew I was in the wrong. I was the lawbreaker. It was painful hearing his wife's voice on the other line. The Holy Spirit deeply convicted me. I apologized to her, the wife. I had no defense for what I had done. It didn't matter if I loved her husband, he wasn't mine to love.

A married man literally is a piece of his wife. She is always with him; this is why the guilt is so hard for a cheating husband. He is already sharing his life with his wife. Being a mistress is a fantasy. It is not the way a Christian lives, pagans live that way. We were saved to live holy lives to glorify Jesus Christ. Our conduct is to be worthy of our calling.

The way of a mistress is to live in the flesh; it is to walk in the way of Satan who is the destroyer and the great usurper. We must put on Christ; we are new creations. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, old things have passed away; behold all things have become new."

(2 Corinthians 5:17)

Women were not created to be mistresses. We are created for a higher purpose. We are created in the Image of Almighty God.

"Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

(Genesis 2:24)