The Girl

The girl hasn’t discovered her wings yet,

not realizing the strength of her soul

nor realizing that was God’s gift to her survival

so, she walks around as a caterpillar,

unaware of who she is

she hasn’t taken off her veil yet,

and woken up next to a man

she is a virgin of spirit,

even if there have been dozens of men

none loved her, and to be loved,

in the act of intimacy is a sacred act

the demons call her “slut”,

and she calls herself, “whore”

not understanding she is the Lord’s bride,

and He sees her as washed

She hears the whispers that drive her

urge 

to stick nails up her arms

she bears the wounds of her attacks on

herself, 

falsely believing she is worthless

demons laugh, seeing her take razors

her thighs undiscovered, she wears

the razors on them,

deep slashes, still fresh and unproven 

she has the obsessive desire to be

punished

to be nailed to her private cross,

not realizing the Lord has done it for her 

everything spins around in her like a

blender

to shred her decency and dignity

she feels God has abandoned her 

even though He never will

demons talk of legalism and works 

working your way to heaven or hell 

they hand her more razors to crucify

 her flesh with

and they laugh some more

grace is a word in a dictionary to her

her prayers never seem to reach past

the ceiling

in desperation she clings to her only

friends,

the razors

who smile with their deceptive shiny

 silver teeth

stroking her beautifully,

 yet cutting tissue

with every touch

she bleeds

straight lines of blood,

rows of faithful and beaten soldiers

 rushed down her thigh

past her knees 

leaping to their premature deaths

she pushes the razor in like a penis

a few times until she grows weary

of the pain it causes her

she never cries publicly anymore

her mother told her not to make a

spectacle

of herself

the girl hates her black coarse hair

men don’t respect her hair

this hurts they never touch it

ashamed she wears a baseball cap

to hide her ugly hair

now, she has shaved it off like a man

to pretend she is not even a woman

the girl has other secrets she hates

too much flesh

she considers it a huge blemish

the worst scar she can think of

to avoid that she rushes to the bathroom

sticking a finger like a straw to suck the food

out of her body

not realizing God puts no pre-requisites

on weight,

He extends His arms out to her,

she misses Him,

her bloodshot eyes blind her

the girl weeps when no one is around

she inspects her nude body in front

of a broken mirror

her skin is bronze, and shiny like mud

nobody wanted the muddy girl

maybe they thought she was filthy

God offers to cleanse her with hyssop,

and make her whiter than snow

but she hates Him right now

and blames Him for her loneliness

she has a doll she sleeps beside

her name is Emma

Emma is her constant companion

she takes her everywhere, 

she’s had her for six years

it was a gift that was hard to unwrap

it took twenty long hours to pull

all the wrappings off

 the experience of being the one another

depends on changed her forever

children are a heritage of the Lord

and God is a father to the fatherless

the girl creates characters to keep her

company, to guard the castle of her heart,

her bottle is a diet two liter soda,

all she has to inebriate her

her lover Vladimir, 

who she threw away

sits beside her, 

one of the demons in disguise

the girl takes the raw meat from under

her breast and puts it under her pillow

she protects her lumpy clump of blood

though people falsely believe she wears it

as a fresh badge,

she fools the world and herself

but never the Lord

the girl is a chameleon and changes

able to love many times and many things

her greatest gift is her ability to love

others

her greatest flaw is her inability to love

 herself

people can change with grace

In the meantime,

the girl exists a prisoner of her fantasies

she cannot escape or will not

and is trapped in a world of illusions

in another place,

where dragons and knights are

neighbors 

she foolishly believes she has escaped the 

rules of morality and has created her own

values

God doesn’t exist there,

But God has a way of finding the girl

He always has

(Taken from The Girl and Other Poems by Matty B. Duran for sale on Amazon.com)