Morning Slices Through Me

Morning slices through me, to greet me

with its rude expectations

there is time ticking in my soul, ready to

explode,

God willing I find a life boat, in the

wreckage that is my flesh, can I drown in peace?

Can I live in peace?

Somebody is always ready to attack,

jump on me, and start chewing me

to bits, the complication of sin,

sometimes I have no clue how it began,

when the day started out beautifully

I always have such high, high hopes for

the day

I intended to sing praises to the Lord

I intended to study the Word

I intended to put it to memorization

I intended to pray with fervency

I intended to speak the language of angels

I intended not to cut myself

I intended not to scream at my child

I intended not to blame God today

I intended to call loved ones today

I intended to tell them I loved them

I intended to smile more

I intended not to order that pizza

then the day ends, comes to night,

the star are absent

my heart mourns their not being there

my heart is a red drum banging considers

only itself

rude, arrogant it scratches all the insults

of the day

on its canvass of skin

my hearts shatters into indecisiveness,

my heart rebels against those it loves

choosing to separate itself

choosing itself,

choosing independence

in the shadows I am more familiar to

myself

in the hours that cannot explain

themselves

in hours that do not really exist

in those hours that tell me I am freest

when the world

slumbers

I wake up when the world is quiet

I wake up when the world has forgotten

me

I wake up only to condemn myself

I wake up to search for God

I wake up to look for the truth

I pace the house

I sleep walk

I dream

I dance

I urinate

I talk to myself senseless things

I look at the clock

I wait for the dawn

I cover my daughter

and uncover her, and cover her and

uncover her several more times

fix the thermostat to 70, then to 67

then to 74

God willing I make the air perfect

God willing I can do one thing right

God willing I can make the night last

a litte longer

God willing I can make the dreams

last longer than reality

morning slices through me

a dagger I pull out of my chest

to start the day again.

(Taken from The Girl and Other Poems by Matty B. Duran for sale on Amazon.com)