I didn't know: The Truth About Cutting

by Matty B. Duran

I didn't know years ago when I took the first razor to my arm at 17 that doors were being opened to ancient evils. When you are in pain, and the anguish is too great to bear, you don't care what you are doing, or the consequences of what you are doing. The thought is, "It's my body, I'm not hurting anyone but myself." For years this is what I thought, what I believed to be true. I didn't know why the grief inside me was so intense. How could I have known that the heaviness I carried actually came from outside of me?

After my parent's divorce, I was a shell, a young woman, more of a girl who was not prepared for the world, or men, or any of the responsibilities of what I was supposed to know to do as an adult. I didn't care about learning how to drive, it didn't interest me. My whole soul was driven to cutting. How I even thought to cut, I can't even remember. There was just an intense agony, and cutting was the expression of what was felt then.

I didn't know that cutting had been a ritualistic thing, a thing that was done in demonic cults. It was in the Bible, the ancient Baal worshipers cut themselves with lances to get the attention of their "false" gods, we now know to be demons.

When I was cutting myself and the red tears were draining from me, I didn't know then, that evil spirits were gathering all around me.

When you are sobbing, who stops to think you are really a beacon for something. All I knew then was that I didn't care about living, but if I had to live, it would be on my own selfish terms. If I had to stay, "mother" my flesh was going to be tattered, bloodied, ripped, shredded, bandaged and bleeding, but "mother, I will give you the dignity of not having to see any of it.

Back then, I wore long sleeves, even in the summer to cover up the wreckage, the slashes, the marks, the healing scars. How did I know that I was doing something so "evil?" No one ever told me not to cut myself, I guess people just assume that you would never hurt yourself or want or desire pain. But there are those that want exactly that, a lot of pain. I will tell you why, to distract from the real suffering inside, where a heart is being crushed, grinded, disintegrated into nothing. That was the real condition of my heart back then. Grinded to nothing, and I had to get away from myself, from the nothingness, the constant groaning of a soul in mourning. "Cutters" are like the walking dead. I can write this because I used to be one of the "zombie children." Jesus Christ raised me literally from the dead as He raised Lazarus 2,000 years ago.

As I wrote, doors, demonic doors were being opened all around me. I wrote such strange poetry back then. I was influenced, my pen was possessed, and not mine at all. They tormented, tortured, did everything to me back then, but possess me. That God would not allow. But I would go to the bathroom and cut, just make so many cuts across my arms and legs. Many required stitches they never got. I plugged up the holes myself. I felt the wounds, were "medals." I thought I was stronger than everyone else for being able to take such pain. For opening my own flesh. I was no coward.

Even though I didn't know, ignorance is no excuse. The demons were attracted to the cutting. They must have felt summoned, as I suppose was the ritual. I am writing this to warn you that cutting is very dangerous for the obvious reasons, of staph infection and general infections. There is a world that is opened when you deliberately open your own flesh, a cry that goes out to another dimension. Like shark bait, you are vulnerable, bloodied and circled by literal sharks when you do this. The demonic world is circling the young men and women and children who cut themselves. They are being pulled into cults, of vampire, gothic cults, and a world that is so evil, they have no idea. It was only by the grace and mercy of God, Himself, that I was not sucked into a cult. The scars are predominant of satanic worshipers.

I spent many years as an open target. Only God, the mercy and lovingkindness of Jesus Christ protected me from being possessed. But I must write I was harassed over the years by demons. Not always, but they are intrusive because they were invited, whether out of ignorance or deliberate intention. The Holy Spirit has asked me to write this. This morning in a conversation with my mother at Taco Bell. The Holy Spirit began to explain how "cutting" is an antient evil and invited demonic being into our lives.

I didn't know. But it didn't excuse me. I was not pardoned, overlooked, or unscathed because I didn't know. Ignorance of the law does not save you from the consequences of breaking the law. There are laws and principles, and cutting the body is an unnatural and unholy thing to do. Many young people today cut themselves; there is this fascination with vampires and zombies. Cutting is a different kind of sin, different from drinking and abusing alcohol, and different from lying or from fornicating. This sin invites "demons" This particular sin, seems to summon them.

My our Lord Jesus Christ give us discernment and wisdom. I pray that young people will understand that "cutting" is a very serious breach between our world and the spiritual.

Run to the Refuge of the Person of Jesus Christ.

"Father, Heavenly Father, I lift up the children who cut themselves out of depression, out of hopelessness, out of deep, deep despair. I know Lord, I used to be there. You know Father, everything is possible. You can take the scars that abandonment, loneliness, shame, rage, anger, bitterness, numb cold emotions, white and black feelings, screaming emptiness, all these the enemy brings to destroy these beautiful children. You, have created for Your Glory to be in relationship with You.

Bring these children, gather them around Your Feet, seat them Dear One at Your table when all they have known is rejection and heartache. I give them to You. Lord Jesus. You are the Answer, their hearts and souls have searched through the rubble of the razors and the knives. Therapy is not the answer, hurting themselves is not the answer, You who created them in their mother's wombs, You are the Answer, The Hope, The Love, The Mercy these children, these young people, these cutters all have searched for. I lift them up to You now Lord Jesus, each and every cutter, old and young alike, I give to You, Lord Jesus, for healing and compassion and Your Lovingkindness. Not for judgement, nor condemnation, these have known those negative thoughts and feelings all of their lives. No, You Lord, will end their suffering. You paid for their wounds on the Cross of Glory! You settled it in Heaven, when You took the shame, the suffering, the wounds, the humiliation, The Blood, The Shed Blood is their Atonement and their covering. I speak, I pray against the deception, the lie, the murder, the suffering, the enemy has imposed upon them.

Release them now, enemy IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST! Release them, they do not belong to you! You have been defeated, and you breathe only lies and deceit wherever you go! The Victory is Yours, Lord Jesus! You have come to set the captives free! And Whom The Lord has set free is free indeed!

IN THE PRECIOUS AND POWERFUL NAME OF JESUS CHRIST! AMEN!

COME TO HIM NOW, HE LOVES YOU!