Daddy’s untimely death/September 2013

(My father Ray V. Duran before he passed away.)

We were watching the Lion King with Emma, the movie where Mufasa dies. It was ironic. Boi called me that afternoon.

“Daddy is in a coma.” He said.

“What?” I asked bewildered, not wanting to hear what I heard.

“Daddy is in a coma.” Boi repeated.

“What?” “How?” It’s like not wanting to hear the truth, when your ears are full of water, like being submerged in water, not wanting to re-emerge because your world will be shattered. This was a familiar feeling.

“Daddy had his test today, and he went into a coma, they’re taking him to a hospital in Walnut Creek.” Boi continued.

When I got off the phone, momma had seen my countenance had changed.

“Matita, what’s wrong?”

“Boi told me daddy’s in a coma.”

Emma turned off the movie. She hugged me.

“I’m so sorry Matita.” Momma said genuinely sincere. It took years for momma and daddy to become friends, but they eventually got there.

Daddy was with Cathy now. Cathy was a Caucasian lady with blue eyes and light brown hair 9 years younger than daddy. She wasn’t the woman daddy was having an affair with when he was married to momma. Cathy came much later. Daddy didn’t want to leave momma for Gloria. She used to call the house telling momma to let daddy go. But daddy didn’t want to leave momma for her, same familiar story. Daddy didn’t even marry her. He was briefly married to a woman named Lupe, who divorced him when he went to prison for bad checks in 1988. Misi lived with them briefly and she treated Misi miserably. Misi used to call me in tears.

Daddy met Cathy around 1991 the same time I was dating Doug. Cathy was kind to both Emma and me when we lived in Salinas in 2001. She had four children from her first husband, Eric, Desi, Phoebe and Isaac. Daddy used to photograph Desi and Phoebe when they were teenagers, when Moe used to live with him in Selma. Daddy never photographed Moe though, for that matter he never photographed any of his daughters the way he used to photograph them, daddy thought they were beautiful. They were.

Daddy and I had such a complicated relationship, I hated him at the same time I loved him.

Moe drove down from Saugus where she lived with her husband Mike and the three kids, Wyatt the baby came down with her; he was almost 7 at the time. Momma stayed with Emma and Wyatt, and Moe drove me to Walnut Creek, not knowing what we would find. Jimmy and his family, Irene, and the kids, Vanessa, Joshua and Jacob were already there, and Boi was there, Marianne his wife stayed home with Ceora their daughter.

Daddy was still connected to a life support machine. This was the quietest I had ever seen him, it didn’t look like daddy had ever done any of the things he did when he was younger. He looked innocent. My grandparents, daddy’s mom and dad were there, Paula and Julian as momma always called them. After the divorce, even a few years before we stopped seeing them, they had stopped seeing us.

I remember once Julian, my grandpa tried to give us some milk and momma just poured it out on the ground. There was a lot of animosity between our two families, even though we were of the same blood. They used to scream at daddy whenever he used to go and borrow money from them for food, right in front of us. They used to tell daddy he was irresponsible and needed a steady job.

We lived with them a few months when we came back from Los Angeles in 1976, and I went to school with Ricky, daddy’s younger brother who is my age.

I remember daddy began to hit momma at night when everyone was asleep, I ran out to the kitchen and called out, “Daddy’s hitting momma!” My grandfather Julian came running out of his bedroom in his underwear. Those are the type of family dynamics we had.

My grandfather Julian even argued with Mama Tana once when she was in the car waiting in front of their house with Tio Frank. I don’t remember why we were waiting there, I only remember my grandfather Julian came out screaming, his face twisted the way faces twist when one is angry. Tio Frank, momma’s brother got out of the car to counteract, he began screaming at my grandfather. This was the type of relationship my family had. Larry Cormier my therapist used to say that we had strong “family dynamics.”

My daddy used to call Tio Frank, “the dirty mouthed kid”. He knew him since he was 14, when daddy started dating momma. They used to put him in the trunk of the car when they would go to the drive-in. You know to sneak him in. Tio Frank used to love daddy as a big brother, but too much blood had gone under the proverbial bridge.

I hugged Boi and Jimmy, Moe hugged Boi and Jimmy. We were all adults we had gone through so much as children together. Misi was 42, and couldn’t come right away since she lived in Arkansas. I was 48 and Boi was 49, Moe was 44 and Jimmy was 45 years old.

Daddy’s sisters, my Tias (aunts) were there too. Rachel and Rosie were both younger. I used to take care of Tia Rachel’s kids, my cousins Bobby and Jason. Rosie was the baby before Ricky came. She was very Catholic, and stuck up she was the type of person that thought she was better than other people, well, better than momma and daddy.

Ricky was there, he was 48 too.

It looked like daddy was sleeping. He looked so peaceful, more peaceful than he ever looked. Daddy always had a lot of hair, now it was all gray. I touched his hair, and kissed his forehead, I think this was the part when we were supposed to say good-bye, the curtain of his life was about to be drawn.

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“I am the Resurrection and the Life, He who believes in Me though he may die, he shall live.

And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?”

(John 11:25-26)

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