My Siblings

(Taken 1972, front row left to right, Mo-Mo, Jimmy and me. Back row, momma carrying Missy and Boi.)

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Boi/1st child/oldest

Boi was born Ray Duran Jr. on February 28, 1964. It was a leap year. He was the oldest, and the smartest of us. He was the “map reader” when we lived in L.A. Boi was the “egghead” of the family. He was always in honor classes. When we used to sit on the bar stools to do our homework, Boi was always hungry for more math problems, I was content to do my homework and then go and play paper dolls. He was diligent, and I felt “awful” for Boi because he was the one who had to do still do homework when momma and daddy were fighting.

Boi used to refuse to carry the lunch bag whenever we went to the movies he never took a turn with me. When we were in Los Angeles daddy and momma took us all to see “Midway” with Charlton Heston, which was in “Sensurround” since it was developed for the movie “Earthquake” in 1974. Boi stupidly thought the room was going to shake. Daddy always took us late to the movies, so we always walked in to find a seat, during the middle of the movie stumbling in the dark. Daddy and momma had bought us a bucket of popcorn and some sodas this was a treat as we were too poor to get refreshments. Boi was carrying the soda, when the destroyer that Charlton Heston was on was attacking a Japanese ship Boi tossed his soda, our soda into the air terrified, spilling it of course we couldn’t get another one. I still tease him about that.

Boi used to order those war games in boxes, like Tobruk, Blitzkrieg, and he bought Dungeons and Dragons. We were not inclined to play with him. They were so intricate hundreds of tiny pieces came in a box. We preferred playing Monopoly, Life, Payday, Sorry and Clue. Boi was such a stickler for the rules and annoyed everybody.

He used to want to be an astronaut until Boi started to wear glasses.

In Junior High Boi was in the chess club, I used to go and sit in there with my ham sandwich to avoid being alone. Boi did not appreciate that at all. Boi was an excellent chess player. I wasn’t very good at chess the other members would play with me just to have a win. Boi was embarrassed of me, and wouldn’t greet me in the hallways. He was the same way in high school.

At home it was different Boi and I would watch Star Trek and Gilligan’s Islands on re-runs. We used to guess which episode was on. Boi usually guessed the Star Trek episodes first, and I would guess the Gilligan’s Island episodes.

It was hard having the same teachers as Boi. Boi was smarter than me and they would have high expectations which I could not meet. Mrs. Heifetz my 9th grade teacher told me how brilliant Ray was. When Boi helped me on a presentation she recognized that he had helped me when I used the word “conglomeration.”

When Boi was in high school I used to type his term papers for him. We would stay late into the night. If I made a single mistake, Boi would take the entire page out of the typewriter, it didn’t matter if I was nearly finished with it. To my chagrin, he’d crumble the paper I had just typed and toss it into the trash. Then he’d put a fresh paper in for me to start the same page over. I stayed up typing his paper well past midnight.

Momma wanted to leave daddy after he pulled Boi’s ears hard and bruised them. Momma and daddy had been arguing and Boi got between them. That was when we went to the Women's shelter. Momma was afraid that he would kill Boi. Boi was already becoming a young man.

Boi went to college at U.C. Berkeley after he graduated from high school in the fall of 1982. When he didn’t pick up his scholarship money, he lost the means to live on campus. Boi was absent minded. I never forgot to pick up my financial aid. He lost his housing, and joined the Navy Reserves to earn money for school.

Momma had to kick Boi out of the house when he came back from Berkeley. He used to stand in front of the door, not wanting momma to go out when daddy had already gotten on with his life. Boi went to live with our grandparents, daddy’s parents in Sanger. Boi remained close to our grandparents in Sanger to this day.

When Boi attended Fresno State he used to tell me to wait for him, while he would practice his trumpet with the marching band. He was different in college, He used to greet me in the hallways and talk with me if he had time. This was a blessing to me.

After Boi graduated Fresno State, he began to work in Lancaster at Edwards Air Force Base for a few years. Boi began to date Nancy when he was 30, she was 18 years old. Maybe, she was too young they broke up after Boi moved to Gilroy.

In Gilroy Boi met Marianne Salazer, the woman who was to be his wife at the company where he worked. They had a daughter named Ceora Vidal in 2004.

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Jimmy/3rd child

Jimmy was born James Heath Duran on May 3, 1968. He was over 10 lbs when he was born, and made momma anemic. He was born with momma’s gorgeous deep dimples.

Jimmy used to come to my bed at night because Boi wouldn’t let him sleep with him when he was scared. I remember I used to lift up my blanket for him. I was motherly towards my siblings.

Jimmy used to take care of the girls when he was in elementary school, whenever Missy would lose her “ta-ta” in class, Missy would go to Mo-Mo’s classroom then they would both come crying to Jimmy’s classroom, Jimmy would tell his teacher he had to leave, much to the chagrin of the teacher. He was very protective of his little sisters.

During recess he used to take the jump rope away from little girls on the playground so Mo-Mo could play jump rope, since the little girls didn’t let Mo-Mo play jump rope in the first place.

He was tall for his age, momma used to say husky, but she was only comparing him to Boi. Boi was so skinny.

When he was a child, Jimmy had a stuffed bear named Charlie that we got at a furniture store. I don’t exactly remember why momma gave the bear to Jimmy, maybe, Mo-Mo and Missy wanted the bear too, and she couldn’t decide who to give to.

One night there was a black beetle in the bath tub, momma wanted to turn the water on and let it go down the drain, but Jimmy protested.

“He’s my brother.” He said with tears.

As he got older, Jimmy used to eat cereal in his pajamas and watch cartoons after school under a blanket when he was about 14 years old. He did that until he met Irene.

In high school, Jimmy attended Roosevelt with me in the 9th grade. Momma felt I didn’t have any friends so Jimmy attended for that explicit purpose, I guess momma thought Jimmy would hang out with me at lunch. That didn’t happen, he quickly made friends. The first week, we used to eat hamburgers for lunch, after that I used to get his hamburger for him then he would hug me, and take his lunch and go off with his friends.

Jimmy wasn’t a good student he was a slacker with his school work, not because he wasn’t intelligent, he was a lazy student. His female teachers would give him a C just for attending class.

He had that handsome face, even Mr. Pizarro our dean remarked how good looking he was. I tired of hearing how handsome he was. Jimmy with his pale skin. I always felt Jimmy could use his looks to get what he wanted.

In 1984, Jimmy met Irene at the end of his sophomore year. They were inseparable from then on. Irene had big emerald eyes she was of Costa Rican extraction she was born in Southern California. Jimmy used to ditch class to go hang out at Irene’s high school typical high school sweetheart stuff, he was crazy about her, on the weekends he was always at her house, momma would even loan Jimmy her car to go. Jimmy used to vacuum the whole house to butter momma up so he could use the car. I always felt momma was easier on him than she was on “us” girls. When he didn’t use the car he would miss the last city bus home, and call Mama Tana and Grandpa to come and pick him up. Momma used to tell us not to bother them, they were old but Jimmy didn’t listen. Mama Tana would come with her long sweater wrapped around her shoulders at night sitting on the passenger seat, grandpa never complained. When they weren’t together, Jimmy and Irene would stay on the telephone for hours, until momma would pull the plug from the phone to disconnect the call.

The following year Irene moved to Ventura. Jimmy was crushed. I overheard one telephone call, “Nothing has changed only where you live.” I thought that was so romantic.

After he graduated Roosevelt in 1986 he worked at Fresno State as a cashier in the cafeteria. Patty, the boss who was in her early 40’s used to flirt shamelessly with him. Jimmy used to give away food to his friends, and Patty looked the other way.

Finally my little brother Jimmy joined the Air Force, and left momma his last paycheck. He really joined so he could marry Irene. He trained at Lackland Air Force Base and was stationed at Edwards Air Force Base as an MP. He married Irene on November 20, 1987. That is when they lived in Mojave near the Casa de Gasa food mart.

When Jimmy left the service he worked with daddy in Selma as a salesman. Daddy opened a photography studio called Empresa Duran. I never worked with daddy in Selma.

When daddy started a Spanish newsletter in Fresno we all used to work with daddy. I wrote historical articles, and Jimmy sold advertising. Irene was the secretary. None of us got paid. Daddy said we had to sacrifice until the paper was successful.

Eventually Jimmy got a job as a car salesman that was the beginning of his career in the car dealership business. Jimmy had talent talking, he had a talented mouth, people tended to believe whatever came out of his beautiful mouth. His catchphrase was “absolutely.”

Jimmy was the first sibling to have a child. He and Irene had Vanessa in 1992. When Jimmy and Irene came over the house to tell us, I remember screaming with excitement.

When they had their son Joshua, I was already 7 months pregnant with Emma. Irene gave birth to Jimmy’s son Joshua James on October 11, 1993. In 1999 she would give birth to another son Jacob Andrew.

Misi/the first baby/5th child

Missy was born Melissa Anne Duran on June 25, 1971. She was the “cry baby.” Daddy used to tell momma not to tell Missy anything or she would begin to bawl so loud. Momma couldn’t sit Missy to do her homework for long.

She had an imaginary friend she called “Michael.” As it goes with imaginary friends no one could see “Michael” but Missy. She used to love to hear the song “Playground in my Mind”, there was the lyric,

“My name is Michael, I have a nickel, I have a nickel shiny and new. I’m gonna buy me all kinds of candy that’s what I’m gonna do.”

Missy used to carry one of her old slips momma had bought for her and Mo-Mo to wear under their school shirts she used to call it her “Ta Ta.” Like her security blanket she had to have it with her at all times, even in school. She hid it inside her desk from the teacher, and would take it out when her teacher wasn’t looking; she sucked her thumb for the longest time.

I don't know why momma made Missy wash the dishes she was 9 years old and cut her finger when she threw a glass in the soapy water because she didn't want to do them. The shard sliced her finger requiring stitches. For a long time she had a Frankenstein scar.

Missy didn't know daddy as well as the rest of us, I'm not sure if that was a blessing or not. She was little when daddy left the family. Daddy had checked out of the family by the time she was 9. He wasn’t there most of the time. Missy tells me she doesn’t have many memories with daddy.

But he did build her a cage for her rabbits. Daddy was very inclined to building things.

When daddy left and promised to see her, and us, she would sing to him over the telephone, “Whenever you make a promise.” It broke my heart that she had to say that to him.

I used to take care of her, momma used to let her sleep in the living room whenever I would watch movies. She would fall asleep on the sofa.

She was the one who tried to get out of her shell, she played soccer was a baton twirler, a girl scout and a letter girl in high school. She wanted to be a cheerleader but momma couldn’t afford it.

By the time Missy was in high school she began spelling her name like this, Misi.

Missy was the only sister with a boyfriend in high school, her boyfriend was Gus Silva and they went to the Senior Prom together, Irene loaned her the white prom dress she wore when Jimmy took her to the Prom. She was curvaceous with a little waist. She began working at Long John Silver’s when she was 15 to be able to afford things. Even though she went to the Prom with Gus, they broke up. He was her first boyfriend. She graduated Roosevelt in 1989.

Misi started school at Fresno State and worked on campus selling snacks from the food cart with her friend A.J. and Lucy. She used to go out every night and come well past 1:00 in the morning, momma and Misi had a power struggle, but Misi told her she would move out.

“I don’t want you to have to kick me out the way you kicked out Boi.”

She was fiercely independent and left the apartment to live with a couple of roommates. With her savings Misi bought a beat up blue Volkswagen bug. Daddy used to say does it “Railed on corners.”

Misi recognized her life in Fresno was a dead end. She was working split shifts at Sizzlers, while going to college. She left Fresno and joined the Air Force.

After her training at Lackland she was stationed at Tinker Air Force Base in Oklahoma where she met and married Chris Jarvis in 1994. Momma nicknamed Misi “The Trooper” because of her independent spirit, having left home and joined the Air Force, unlike Boi or me, she went active. Her life in the military took her to Saudi Arabia where she was stationed, where she served in Desert Storm I always thought she had guts. She would tell us about the beheadings she never attended, and the 120 degree weather. She told us about drinking O’Doul’s Beer. All of the female soldiers were expected to comply with the law and would cover their faces.

Misi and her husband Chris had two children together Tiffini Matiana who was born in 1995 and Ethan Christopher Paul born in 1998. Years later she divorced their father and married Terry Duncan, she had a third child she named Jesseca Rae Duncan born in December 2006.

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Mia/baby/6th child/1993-1996

As Mia got older I used to call her “Abu” after the monkey in Aladdin because she was grouchy when she was a little girl. I used to take Mia to school on the city bus, even after Emma was born, I would push her on the stroller fold it up, and then we would go on the city bus, since I didn’t know how to drive. I was terrified to learn after the accident I was in.

A deaf lady who had five little boys thought I was both Mia and Emma’s mother. We used to sit together at the bus stop, and I would try to talk to her as best as I could, since I couldn’t sign. I don’t know if she really understood me, but we were both poor mothers who loved our children.

When I used to get welfare I used to take Mia and Emma to cash the check at Save-Mart on the city bus. Since I was young then I couldn’t wait for momma to get out of work. The bus would leave us on Kings Canyon and the girls and I would have to walk to Butler Avenue. I would push Emma on the stroller, and Mia and I would walk. After we cashed the check, we would walk back to Kings Canyon and I would ask Mia what she wanted to eat. Sometimes she would pick Kentucky Fried Chicken, sometimes Jack in the Box. Mia was like my own daughter.

When I would give Mia a bath I would tell her the story of the three archangels, Lucifer, Michael and Gabriel. Lucifer used to bathe in the sun, Michael bathed in the ocean, and Gabriel would bathe in the stars, the blackness of space.

I told her the story of Adam and Eve. She liked the part when they were naked, and the Lord God asked Adam,

"Why are you hiding?"

“Because I’m naked,” Adam answered.

Mia would giggle, because he was naked. “So the Lord God kicked them out of the beautiful garden Eden that He had created for them because they were disobedient, they didn’t listen. “That’s why we have to listen.” I told her.

I had her for eight years before Emma was born. She used to get into my papers dolls, stack up my cassettes along the edges of the mirror that was on the floor, I thought she was going to be an artist. I thought that’s very artistic.

I used to take her and Emma to 7-11, as I was addicted to diet Pepsi in those days. I used to buy a Double Big Gulp every day. Mia used to go with me when she wasn’t in school, but one day, she didn’t want to go, she was about 10.

“I’m still going.” I told her to scare her.

“I don’t want to go, and you can’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t be more than 15 minutes, don’t open the door”. So I locked the door to her chagrin, and left.

But she didn’t stay. She followed me to 7-11.

Since momma would go out Mia and I would watch all kinds of television shows together. We would just sit on the sofa, and watch cartoons on Saturdays, Recess, Pepper Ann, the new Land of the Lost, and Bonkers the cat.

The end of the song of Bonkers went.

“Wherever you are.”

And I used to say to Mia, we will sing it two times. Two times plus the lyric at the end of the song, so it was really more like three times.

“Wherever you, wherever you, wherever you are.” And then five times and then ten times, which went like this.

“Wherever you, wherever you, wherever you, wherever you, wherever you, wherever you, wherever you, wherever you, wherever you, wherever you are”

“Wherever you are.”

On Friday nights we would watch Sabrina and Boy Meets World. All of my siblings had left by this time starting lives of their own. My life was very enmeshed with momma and Mia’s.

I used to watch the Power Rangers with Mia her favorite one was the Pink One.

Momma and I were very co-dependent. For many years momma was emotionally abusive. Daddy had damaged all of us. Mia was dragged into our co-dependent relationship we were like parents raising her.

Momma wouldn’t let me spank or scold her. If I scolded her Mia would tell momma and momma would become very angry with me. She felt extremely guilty that Mia didn’t have a father. So Mia wasn’t disciplined. Mia was used to getting her own way. I resented momma for that.

Mia is going to be 40 this year, and has a 7 year old daughter Aneska. I never thought Mia would ever be nearing 40 or I would be nearing 60. But life creates the illusion that we will live forever.

(front row left to right, Mia, Misi and Moe. Back row, left to right, Jimmy, me, momma, and Boi, taken 1991.)

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