Living at Home

We lived in conflict I was too old to be living at home. That’s why momma and I really fought. I was old enough to be on my own, but still so child-like. Although I kept house, and took care of Mia I wasn’t working I was going to college, momma was working in the IRS full-time. Unlike some of my brothers and sisters she never kicked me out. Even though Boi said she should, she never did. I used to think it was because she wanted me to take care of Mia for her, but she loved me, and knew I didn’t have any place to go to.

I was jealous of momma, momma was naturally gorgeous. I used to tell her the only woman who was better looking than her was Elizabeth Taylor. Men used to leave notes on her car window with their telephone number wanting to date her. I, on the other hand was never as beautiful as momma, I was very cute. I looked more like daddy had his complexion, his nose. Daddy had a Tia, an aunt who died when she was a child. Whenever we would go to my great grandma’s house, I would see her picture, her name was Pepita, and she looked exactly like me. So I know I looked like daddy, and not momma.

Momma had a life, and used to go out. For New Year’s she always had a beautiful dress, she would leave us with a pizza, and would go out. Momma dated Roger for years, she used to bring him over

to the apartment on the weekends. I hated when he was in the apartment, but I was living with momma, I had no say no right to tell her she couldn’t have Roger over. As a matter of fact, momma used to always tell me and Moe, “When you’re 40, you can do what you want.” What did that even mean, there was such hypocrisy in her words. She never let us date, not that anyone wanted to date me. She didn’t let Moe use the house phone to call her boyfriend, Moe had to call from a pay phone, and it was night. Her skinny body would be hunched over the pay phone. Momma used to tell us since we didn’t have jobs we couldn’t date. She was strict.

I used to take long walks in the dark. I felt free walking at night I used to believe the night camouflaged my pain. I didn’t think of the danger I put myself in when Mia would stay with Mama Tana. I was really looking for death.

Moe punched me in the mouth once, and my lip bled. She punched me because I told momma to go to hell. We were all crushed, and we passed our wounds to each other. When Moe punched me she tried to apologize but I walked away from her and walked to the 7-11 to get a soda. We lived with shrapnel still.

Misi was dating a boy named Gus in high school. Gus was a bit awkward. When he was over he used to play with Mia. Misi used to have to tell him what to buy her for Valentine’s Day.

Moe and I used to play paper dolls, of 60’s bands. We created characters as bands from the 1960’s and play my cassettes with 60’s music. One of the bands we had was a group named “The Fortune Cookies.” The songs their band played were “Cara Mia” by Jay and the Americans, “You’ve Got Your Troubles” by the Fortunes, “Concrete and Clay” by Unit 4 Plus 2, “The Worst that could happen” Brooklyn Bridge, “Mr. Dieingly Sad” the Critters, “Conquistador” Procol Harum and “Hurt” Timi Yuro, even though Timi Yuro was a woman, Clay sang that song. John Nixon sang “Cara Mia,” Benjamin Toni sang “Worst that could happen,” Paul Fraud song “Mr. Diengly Sad” and Gabe Gomez sang, “Conquistador.” There were 9 members in the band. Moe was always along for the ride.

We lived on Financial Aid, when we were in college Moe was working at the Tutorial Center, I wasn’t as fortunate to get a job on campus.

Daddy wasn’t around, he would promise to stop by and then wouldn’t. He re-married a woman named Lupe. Misi went to live with daddy for awhile, but used to call home crying because Lupe was always screaming at her. She had her own children. I didn’t understand why daddy married her. She wasn’t pretty, she wasn’t nice, Misi thought she was a witch.

Daddy didn’t invite us to his wedding. I felt shut out of daddy’s life. Daddy went to prison later that year for writing bad checks.

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“When my father and my mother forsake Me,

Then the Lord will take care of me.”

(Psalm 27:10)